It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize