Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
