Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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