eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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