I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
