I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
