I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
