Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
