The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
