was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
