Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
