It's Friday. Sex?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Randomize
