In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize