spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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