i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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