I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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