guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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