ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
