White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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