is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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