You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
