I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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