I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
