The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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