New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
