Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
