I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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