I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
