:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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