omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
