Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
