i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
