She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it's like iHOP with fire
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize