Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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