i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
