I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize