Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
