I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
