I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize