just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
