Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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