I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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