Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
