So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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