wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
