i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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