You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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