and you said cock pushups were impossible
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
