I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We have so much sex to catch up on
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
