At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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