I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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