im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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