He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
