Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
