I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Blood and glitter go together right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
