Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
