That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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