just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
