My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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