I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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