I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
