I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
