Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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