He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
