Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
