My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
