don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
