did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
