my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
