so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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