If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize