Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
