see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
