totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
