Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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