Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
They have beer where we have blood.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
