After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize