he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
