I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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