Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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