you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
