The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
