Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
