youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize