you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
