Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
