as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
