did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
