One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
