Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
