Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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