Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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