How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
