its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
