apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize