I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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