I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
