You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
