All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
