I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
