Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize