If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
