I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
