Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
