i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
