take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
