the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize