Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
