When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
