i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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